Monday, December 21, 2009

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

{As always, apologies to Roger Angell]

Greetings, Friends
Please draw near
To hear about last Red Sox' year.

The triumphs, the failures
The weak and the strong
The boneheads, the Lugos
J.Bay and beyond

Say hey, Kevin Youkillis,
He of the chin mop,
Zut Alors! D. Pedroia
His motor don't stop.

And on to Jacoby,
then Nancy and V Mart
Two out of 3
Can make Theo look smart.

A Wassail for Heidi!
Some cheese for the Eck
Welcome Back Jerry Remy!
The fill-ins were dreck.

A toast for the bullpen!
Fill up your tankard
Oki, and Wagner,
Saito and Bard.

Of course, a special word of thanks
For Tito, always closing ranks.
Millsy, Bogar, Hale and all the others
You'd think these guys were really brothers.

They're not! You cry.
You're Right, I shout.
Mike Lowell
Are you in or out?

Redass Beckett
Dumbass Paps
All the broads in
Their Pink Caps

This is the season!
One happy nation!
We hope Manny liked
His summer vacation

Which reminds me,
Huzzah Big Paps
We're still convinced
You have the chops.

Varitek? Eh,
Though you implore us
We sort of hate you,
Scotty Bora$

Dice-K, styling, won the Classic
Then he nibbled, I got carsick
Bucholz, Lester, Wakefield's legs
Monster seats, foul-smelling kegs

Month- old beer, dogs a-plenty
Larry, is there change from twenty?
"I think not. We've mouths to feed.
We'll squeeze you till your eyeballs bleed"

A special hug
To the dirty dickhead
Who shut me out from
My season tickets.

No disrespect, sir
(no intent, but)
I hope you're hit
By a cement truck

Back to the park and have a drink
My infield's now a hockey rink.
We have to monetize the Winter
Frozen as the Splendid Splinter

Joe Castig and Dave O'Brien
Rish, God Bless him, keeps on trying.
Henry, with his wife-slash-daughter
Was that a Kobe Ring he bought her?

And so we look to Twenty-Ten
Whither Gonzalez?
If so? When?

Collect the Mistletoe and Holly
Kiss those red socks, embrace Wally
It Christmas Time, a Holiday
(Not Matt or Roy: we wouldn't pay)

Spring arrives, the Sox are better;
Feed the baby, mail your letter.
Christmas again, and peace on earth:
Godspeed, good friends, for what it's worth.

Your pal


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